Dear Rat Brain,
I see you – I felt you, earlier, sitting at my computer and staring blankly at a screen while I waited for inspiration to hit. I feel it now lying face down on my carpet hoping the format for this blog immediately lands in my hands, fully packaged and ready for the world. I felt it this morning, the panic and scrabbling on the inside of my skull as I stared at my novel outline and wondered if I should just give up, as I have many times for the last 7-8 months. I was once 60k into this book, but now I’m starting from scratch. And although it’s for the best, I can always feel you running into your panic stations every time I open up Scrivener…
‘How are we ever going to finish this novel?’
‘What if people don’t like it?’
‘What if people laugh at me when it’s finished because I put so much time into it?’
Thank you, Rat Brain, but no need to call 999 today.
It’d be easier to stop; I get it. It’s always easier, and wouldn’t we both rather watch shitty kpop videos in bed?? After all we’re both so exhausted from… What, exactly?
Here’s a story I wish I could have read as a teenager: about what happens after you come out as queer. How the fuck do you conduct a healthy LGBTQ+ relationship when all the examples on TV, books and movies either end in one half dying, or one half turning evil? (Sometimes both?)
And what do you do if you’re in an unhealthy LGBTQ+ relationship … but neither of you are dead, so you have to actually live with your shitty choices? These are questions I had but never really got solid answers for.
And if nothing else, I want to provide that story for one person in the world. So as tempting as random kpop videos are, maybe we have something more worthwhile to do today.