As I continue to cut compulsions out, and work on living towards my values, anxiety and depression are no longer a constantly deepening hole in my life. Great! I’m cured!
Not exactly. I’m realising that a lack of unhappiness doesn’t equate with feeling happiness. Unless you know how to cultivate that, it’s easy to fall back on old habits, and be stuck in the same old rut.
Do I know how to be happy? Honestly, I’m not sure. But ultimately, I really want to learn how to act from a place of gratitude, and/or curiousity. Not fear or wanting to avoid discomfort. I’d like to move towards this mindset and see where it gets me.
I want to give love and affection to friends to make their day a little nicer, not to avoid feeling alone.
I want to eat because I care for and am grateful for my body and the energy it gives me. Not to get away from some emotion, or to punish myself.
I want to learn things because the world is interesting. Not so I seem more interesting.
Sometimes I do these things already, or at least I hope I do. But it’s far too easy to act in a way that is all about reducing discomfort, instead of showing appreciation for the life I have now.
I’d like to spend as much time cultivating emotions like gratitude and compassion, as I did for anxiety, anger and depression. They say it takes ten thousand hours to be a master at something, so I’ve got a lot of gratitude to get through 😉